PICK UR BATTLES IN UR RELATIONSHIP AND SAVE IT.

You learn a lot when you become part of a
pair. When you get into a relationship,
things that never made sense to you when
you were single start to become a little
more clear. I’ve learned a lot from being
in a new relationship. Though it’s only
been a few months, I feel like I’m
maturing, learning, and growing every day.
We all know that as we grow older, we gain
life experiences. We make mistakes, and
then we learn the lessons. I’ve definitely
tried to take all the lessons I’ve learned
from past relationships and used them to
my full advantage. In my new relationship,
I’m basically trying not to be an idiot. I
make a conscious effort everyday to
evaluate how I am behaving in my
relationship.
Being in a relationship is one of the most
wonderful, joyful, and life-affirming things
there is. When I’m in love, nothing can
be too terrible. The sun’s pretty much
always shining. But there is a flip side to
this. Relationships are also stressful,
complicated, and probably one of the
hardest things to get right in life.
Relationships are filled with anxiety and
pressures and over-thinking. I’m
ridiculously happy in my relationship, don’t
get me wrong, but we have our days.
You know, those days.  Everything they do
annoys you. You take everything they say
the wrong way. You just cannot get in the
groove. You bicker. You fight. You roll your
eyes. Your defenses are up, and you’re
ready for battle. A few years ago, I would
have fought every single little fight on
days like that. I would have taken offense
to something so petty and unintentional
and turned it into World War III.
Aren’t we all a little guilty of this?
Sometimes we pick fights for attention
(negative or otherwise). Sometimes it’s out
of boredom. Sometimes it’s because we’re
actually hurt and want to get it all out in
the open. We choose to fight to test the
waters. How much can this relationship
handle? How strong are we? Let’s fight and
see! Looking back, I have no idea why this
behavior was ever an option. These days,
I’m doing things differently. I’m learning to
pick my battles.
Picking your battles takes patience and
critical thinking. It means looking at the
situation you’re in and really analyzing it.
You have to think about the real reason
why you’re about to start this fight. Is it
really something worth arguing about? Are
you just being mad to be mad? Are you
even slightly affected by this situation?
It is so easy to get into the routine of
arguing when you’re comfortable in a
relationship. You fight for the passion
because coupled life has gotten dull. You
fight for the entertainment of it. You fight
for the anticipated makeup. We pout and
“get mad” for the attention that we know
our partner will give us back. We test our
partners. We push them to see how much
they’ll push back. We all do this, but I have
learned that you can have that passion
without having to fight and argue. You be
reassured that your significant other loves
you in other (healthier!) ways.
Before you open your mouth and know
you’re going to say something that might
start a fight, ask yourself these questions:
Is this really something that is going to
affect my life? Am I even mad about this?
Is this worth my time? If your answer is no
to all or any, then say nothing. Close your
mouth. Don’t pick this battle. Let it the hell
go. Spend that time you’re wasting being
angry and use it to better your
relationship. If you’re actually upset,
address the situation, talk it out and then
let it go. There is nothing worse for a
relationship than beating an argument to
death. You’re both going to be exhausted
by the time you go over the whole
argument for a fifth time. All you’re doing
is wasting your precious time!
Sometimes when I’m pouting and “mad” at
my boyfriend, I will think to myself, “At
this very moment, I am wasting our time
—our time as a couple, our time as
separate people.” The moments I spend
silent and grumpy are moments that I
could be using to talk to my boyfriend,
laugh with him and love him. Why am I
throwing away time with him that could be
spent in better ways?
That is always the reality check for me.
I’m sure there are many things that your
significant other does that may bother or
annoy you, but how many of them truly
affect you in a negative way? Remember
that your boyfriend or girlfriend is not
perfect. They are going to make mistakes.
They are going to say things you don’t like.
They’re going to disagree with you. They’ll
disappoint you. And you will do all of these
things to them too. But if the love there
then there shouldn’t be room for
unnecessary arguments. Rather than
jumping the gun and starting a fight, take a
breath . Think critically. Hold your tongue.
Fight less, love more.